I Know

Okay. Most people think that I have no clue to what is going on around me. They could, on one level, be right about that. I do miss a whole lot.

Like how Yohji and Aya were skirting about each other, not really wanting to admit that they do actually love each other despite Aya's ice and Yohji's womanizing.

It wasn't my concern, really, hence the reason why I didn't pay attention. I believe in giving people their time and their place and Aya and Yohji needed that if they were ever going to get together.

But I do notice other things. Like the way you look at me when you think the others aren't watching. Or how you brush my hair out of my face when I am injured or sick. I do know that you care.

But I wasn't going to approach the subject until you did. I do feel for you. I truly do. But I don't want to lay myself totally bare in front of you and find that your love is a fleeting thing that will easily dissipate and break me. I was your age once. I know how it can be.

I do love you. Don't ever doubt that. I love you in all your moods. I love the way you laugh and the way you pout when Yohji teases you. I think I will always love you, Chibi.

So I sit and wait. Until you gather enough courage to tell me what it is you truly feel for me. I know that maybe I should be the one to approach you, but I admit that I am afraid to be put through the wringer yet again.

Kase taught me about pain. I think that this would have been easier if I hadn't been betrayed by him. Yuriko taught me about loss. Maybe I should be ticked at Yohji for interfering.

I could have had a normal life in Australia and Foster's beer and Koalas. No wait. Koala's are really mean. Scratch the Koalas.

Maybe kangaroos..Or wallabyes...

"Ken?" The sound of your voice distracts me from my loopy thoughts and I quickly get off my bed and stumble to the door.

"Yeah?" I ask, not sure what to expect from you, since you are standing there in your nightshirt looking like a lost little boy with tear-tracks shiny on your face and a woebegone expression on your face.

"Can..I..Sleep with you tonight?" I scratch at my hair. Probably nightmares about those delightful relatives of yours, right chibi?

They plague him. Sometimes as often as three times a week. Him coming into my room is so routine that I don't think about it.

I offer him comfort because I care about him. I love him. I also need the warmth as much as he needs it. Two sides of one coin, really.

I smile at you and open the door wider to let you in.

"Just don't kick me, okay?" I tell him as we crawl into my bed and under the blankets.

That makes you smile before you curl up next to me, seeking comfort against the shadows that plague us all in the darkness.

I put my arm around you and bury my nose in your hair. It smells so clean. Like oranges and herbs. Such an innocent scent.

"Ken?" your voice sound startingly loud in the still night.

"Yeah?" I reply, stroking the silky strands that lie so temptingly under my hand.

"Iloveyou.Doyouloveme?" I blink and sit up, displacing you from the cozy spot that you had on my chest.

I was so shocked that I remained quiet for several moments. Damn. I guess I had to fess up now. Not that I minded, but I didn't expect it to be so soon...

"Ken?" You ask again, this time your voice is weak and small, since you fear rejection.

"Yes. I love you. As much as demons are able, I love you." I tell you before I lie down and gather you to my chest.

You snuggle contentedly into my chest and sigh happily. I stroke your hair until you fall asleep and I watch the sky, dark and gemmed with stars.

There's nothing else to be said. Except for tomorrow, when things will become more real in the daylight.

I know.